Top 10 things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving, but aren't
Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex.
Top 10 reasons why "trick or treating" is better than sex.
Top 10 signs you picked the wrong college.
Top 10 ways to get kicked out of chemistry.
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving, But Aren't
10. "Talk about a huge breast!"
9. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
8. "Don't play with your meat."
7. "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
6. "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
5. "You still have a little bit on your chin."
4. "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
3. "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
2. "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
1. "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
Top10 Reasons Studying Is Better Than Sex
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser".
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
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Top 10 Reasons Why "Trick-or-Treating" Is Better Than Sex:
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.
6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.
4. If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!
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Top 10 Signs You Picked The Wrong College
10. They boast that 90% of their graduates eventually make parole.
9. The campus is roamed by packs of starving coyotes.
8. So-called "sports complex" consists of a kickball and a swingset.
7. Your letter of admission was signed by Sally Struthers.
6. The dean is being followed by a crew from "Hard Copy."
5. History professor + fake mustache = English professor.
4. Graduation ceremonies are held in a local 7-eleven.
3. Final project in Biology: Dissecting a snickers bar.
2. Orientation video features Frank Gifford and a flight attendant.
1. Average S.A.T. score: 2.
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Top 10 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of Chemistry
10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."
7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."
6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.
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